From Undeclared to a Mom Without Kids

DISCLAIMER: I wrote a majority of this post last week, but i am editing this blog entry post-wisdom-teeth-removal. enjoy!

Sup Homies? It’s ya girl, Lex.  

Uhhh, I mean “Hey…”

A lot of you may be wondering who the F I am and where I came from and how I came to do what I do.  So today’s post will be a crash course on me, entitled “Lexology: From Undeclared to a Mom without kids”.  

2007:  I was accepted into UCLA without declaring a major.  I was interested in studying Architecture, but they didn’t have anything available to incoming freshmen at the time.  Looking back, I wish I had become a YouTuber.  College? lol.  The only negative is that I probably would have been stuck with a name like :  My Sexy Bicycle.  No kidding, that was a screen name I actually had and used.  It’s kind of a great name on second thought.  My Sexy Bicycle would have 4 million subscribers by now and I would have perfected winged eyeliner.  #TeamInternet

2008:  I decided that Economics would be a well-rounded major to declare and started studying like mad to be accepted.  If you, lovely perfect beautiful reader, are studying Economics in your respective college, fight the good fight.  Supply & demand make for great conversation on first dates.  

2009:  I got into the Economics Department and into my first Off-Campus apartment.  I’m a big girl now, doing big things. Still scared of spiders, but a big girl nonetheless.  

2010:  I met Hunter March at Starbucks.  I proceeded to ignore him for 3 years.  

2011:  I graduated from UCLA and continued to work for a high profile charity event planning company.  I met a lot of celebrities and ate a lot of hors d’oeuvres.  I was undervalued and I bounced 6 months after graduating. 

From Left to Right: My first tailgate and what should’ve been my last tailgate at UCLA | Another tailgate with some really beautiful blonde people | My ride or die chick Sheiva Shideh (follow her @badgalsheeshee) | Graduation Day!

2012:  I started studying Interior Design at the Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising (FIDM) in Downtown LA.  I weaseled my way into an internship I was not qualified for at a boutique Interior Design firm in Santa Monica.  I realized quickly that I hated a lot of design that exists in the world and I knew that I would strive to make the world a prettier place.  

2013:  I reconnected with Hunter March and he was so cute and he liked me so much, but we’ll get to that.  I entered a furniture design competition and made it into a final round of 10 designers that would be debuting their designs the following year.  Yes, this was a looooong process.  The chair I competed with will be available when my first line launches!  THATMEANSYOU, MY FRIENDS, CANSIT IN IT SOON!  I graduated from FIDM this year and was awarded their “Interior Design” award for outstanding blah blah blah—it was something good but I don’t remember the exact wording they used.  For now, let’s just say I was a baller at picking out wallpaper.      

Hunter told me he loved me while we were next to a dumpster in the back alley of a restaurant we had just had lunch at.  I think I said “thank you.”    

From Left to Right: My miniature model of the chair I designed for Chairing Styles | Presentation Day, I literally wrote “Please Do Not Sit” — I was kind of a pain in the a** at FIDM | Another Graduation Day, this time from FIDM and there was this cute boy waiting for me | Same cute boy is distracted

2014:  I WONTHECOMPETITION.  I felt like Ron Swanson in the Parks & Rec episode “Ron & Diane” when he also won a chair design competition.  I was proud, but it’s not really something other people cared about.  But I have one question for you…what are you sitting on while you read this? hmm!?

I left the interior design firm I was at, worked 8 months as Design Lead for a company that specializes in retail stores and tradeshows, and then eventually landed in the very workshop that made my original chair for the design competition.  Are you still with me?  Good. 

From Left to Right: Look at my claws! Examining the antiqued brass I used on the Big Girl version of the chair | More brass details | The back side of my final product | My pride and joy on display the day I won!  Can I get a “hell ya”? thanks!

2015: I did the “Girlfriend Tag” video with my betrothed and was thusly labeled as “Mom”.  Everyone bypassed calling me “Queen” like they do with Beyonce, who is an actual mom.  But it’s true, Yonce is Queen.  I am Mom.  Cue Mean Girls’ “I’m not like a regular mom, I’m a cool mom”.  I’m actually not even cool.  I like going to bed early,  I don’t go to parties, I love self-development books, I listen to white noise soundtracks of thunderstorms—actually I’m all sorts of cool.  I am the embodiment of the emoji with the sunglasses.  

From Left to Right: Hunter March in Cannes…must be nice | Weirdos at Bass Lake | Weirdos at a wedding | Weirdos yesterday when I got my wisdom teeth pulled

Advice for other 17-25 year olds:

  • Your major does not matter.  Learn to think for yourself and improve your skills at lying.  This will come in handy when writing your resume. 
  • Lying is bad.  
  • Boys are dumb until proven otherwise.  Don’t be afraid to break up with all of them.  
  • If you’re in college, go to class.  You paid so much for it, so go and ask questions.  
  • You are going to fail a lot and it’s ok.  I failed an accounting class and started to cry.  I blew my nose so hard it ripped my nose ring out. 
  • Maybe don’t get the nose ring? 
  • Don’t do a lot of internships. And don’t stay at one for too long.  
  • If you’re going to bleach your whole head, might I suggest no?  It took me forever to bring it back to life.  
  • When you’re 20, you think you know everything.  When you’re 25, you realize you know nothing.  My god, I hope I know something by 30. 

 oh, and some hairstyles:

From Left to Right: Pocahontas | Assassin maybe? | EDM princess wannabe | Tank Girl 


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